Pier 3 Condo

‘Integrity’ is the gateway to credibility. It is a personal quality that is earned through truthfulness, honesty, and altruistic ideals that shows others that we can be trusted. What oftentimes comes along with integrity is a strong set of communication skills that make us better communicators. Even if we make our best attempts at living life with the most integrity possible, it can still be a challenge. In the heat of the moment, our emotions can hit auto-pilot and take control, resulting in us saying things we don’t really mean. Apologizing after the fact can be hard, but with the right communication tools, we can better maintain our relationships by authentically resolving our mistakes positively and drama-free.

One of these tools is called the Four-Part Apology. This communication tool provides a solid format to help us maintain clear, open communication that will keep our integrity strong and our relationships intact when we have to apologize for a wrong-doing. This model allows us to acknowledge the wrong we caused and take responsibility for it as we look beyond the incident to the consequences our behavior caused. By verbally acknowledging these consequences with the other party, we are openly choosing a different behavior, and can help the person we wronged move from feeling upset and resentful to being thoughtful and supportive. A great way to remember the four parts of the Four-Part Apology is to remember the phrase: “It’s All About My Relationships.”

The “All” stands for ‘Acknowledge’. By using ‘I’ statements, we take responsibility for our actions by admitting them. “I acknowledge that I didn’t call you when I knew I was going to be late.”

“About” represents ‘Apologize’. State the cost or damage your actions caused. “I apologize for making you wait for me, which caused you frustration.”

“My” is for ‘Making it Right’. Deal with the consequences of the behavior and offer to make up for it with a solution. “What can I do to make it right?” This is where we listen in to find out what the other person needs in order to feel a sense of closure to the situation.

Lastly, “Relationships” stands for ‘Recommit’. Make a commitment to take the steps necessary to mend the relationship. “I agree from now on to call you if I am running behind so that you know what’s happening and you don’t feel stood up.”

Apologizing can be difficult for people because they fear they are lowering themselves and admitting fault in order to do so. Therefore, this causes frustration for everyone involved. How many times have you been on the giving OR receiving side of an “I’m sorry” that felt empty or incomplete?

By using the Four-Part Apology, we have the power to clean up our mistakes and realign our integrity to match our values and beliefs. At one summer enrichment program, students learn this technique and practice it on a regular basis throughout the 10-day program. This helps them learn positive communication skills that further promote a positive learning environment, while reducing the presence of drama and conflict. When they leave camp, they take these learning skills home with them, and parents have reported their teens to have become much stronger communicators, which has greatly reduced the amount of fighting between parents and kids.

Outside of the home, the Four-Part Apology can be used in all other aspects of life, whether it’s at work, school, or even with people we don’t know. By using the Four-Part Apology model, we have allowed ourselves a clear channel of communication that upholds our integrity for positive relationships.